Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Celebrating the anniversary of SO WE SAYS TO THE GUY... but mainly celebrating its death was a collaborative writing experiment Ross Lockhart and I created over a year ago and it quickly became our very own Frankenstein monster that we took pride in nurturing, but we now both agree it is time to finish it off once and for all. It’s quite an understatement to say we’re putting it to bed, because we’re actually sneaking up behind it, jumping on its back, smothering it with a handkerchief soaked in chloroform, putting it in a burlap sack and holding it under the brimming water of the bathtub until the lethargic flailing of limbs subsides. Why are we doing this? Well, as soon as this experiment stopped being enjoyable for the both of us, we knew it was over. As we both stand next to its casket, I find myself coming to terms with the situation and realizing that I refuse to mourn its death, but I will, however, celebrate its life.

Of course we haven’t written anything for the blog in ages and it’s quite understandable if our three readers have long forgotten of its existence. To some its funeral might seem as tragic as Gatsby’s; both of us reading our eulogies to no one other than ourselves. However, the procession isn’t as destitute as some might expect, especially when I begin stuffing my pockets with as much food as I can scam from the catering table and Ross starts playing with the corpse in an attempt to reenact his favorite scene from Weekend at Bernie’s 2. This sendoff is our attempt at trying to amuse ourselves one last time and it goes to show how dearly we held this experiment at one point.

One thing that is in order is to salute Ross. His writing has been an inspiration to me and his influences will linger in my own writing. I will always look back to the teamwork we once had.

One thing that would ensure the quality of my own blog would be to continuously refer to the writing process Ross and I refined; our methods were down to a science.

After I finish writing a post, I will then ask the pertinent question, “What would Ross think about this?” Of course, even bringing up this question is nothing more than a formality because I can easily predict his answer being, “This is wank Jeff. Total wank,”

Then I would usually reply, “What do you know? I’m not changing it! I’m not changing it for anyone!”

He would flip over the coffee table and demand, “Why do you ask for my opinion when you don’t even listen?”

I would say, “Oh believe me, I do listen! I listen to what you have to say and then I do the opposite just in spite of you!”

He would retort, “And that’s why Mad Magazine will never hire you!”

Then, in a fit of rage, I would slap him across the face and, after a brief pause of disbelief, he would run out the front door in tears, with me calling after him, “I’m sorry! Forgive me!...... sometimes I just can’t control the demons!”

Yeah, these were our most productive times.

One very appearant thing he has done is make me into a better speller… wait… appearant?... No, it’s apparent… Ross you asshole you haven’t done shit in that department.

I do have my doubts as to whether we’re doing the right thing by killing this site because I feel like our writing dynamic might be something that’s worth keeping alive. Maybe I might just continue our blog without Ross; find a substitute for him and go about our typical antics.

Then again, maybe not.


Janelle said...

Ok, seriously...why hasn't anyone commented on this? It's delightful...why haven't I read it? I'm an asshole.

I miss our blogging times...

Rorus Maximus III said...

JEFFERY! Excellent work friend! New posting!